“All rumours relating to the Salty Dog are true-ish”, promises the swivel-eyed, strawberry-nosed Captain of the Picnic’s favourite shipwreck, a forlorn and decrepid trawler that hasn’t seen seawater in a decade and a half, focussing instead on a gradual decomposition into the forest bed. The battered deck, invaded by rot and rust, will be disguised with a lick of paint the day before the festival, and presented with grimy smiles by its crustaceous crew. Troubadours – press-ganged, poorly paid, drenched in bootleg rum, and barked at by the stump-toothed captain for leaving guitar picks lying around – find themselves wondering how they became part of the stench.
Picnic’s favourite shipwreck, The Salty Dog, has dropped its line-up!
The dockside holds in the collective belly of its patrons, and the turn-of-the-century harbour – that provides a bosom for the decadent to weep into – will once again come to life – if ‘life’ is the right word for the kind of riff-raff that loiter around this port. The scurvy-riddled crew barter for washed-up buoys and stolen lobster pots with a man in a van near New Ross, and scavenge for anchors and sails from a shipyard in the dead of night. Lights are slung high in the sky and The Salty Dog is ready: hustlers, rustlers, duckers and divers move like critters around the port, feigning honesty with their teeth, doing anything to turn a dime – blood spatters from the local surgeon, tattooed giants arm-wrestle girls for ale, filth-covered merchants hawk smoked fish and contraband oysters, warty ladies mend fishing nets and croak shanties at each other, and unqualified doctors offer guidance for unsavoury medical complaints.
Salty Dog is where your parents never wanted you to end up, and that’s why you are all there. Including your parents.
This is what life at the bottom of a barrel looks like.